Reflections from my walk in Rivelin yesterday.. goosebumps as i observed a full circle moment..
The last Full Moon was spent here, with my friend & housemate, doing a realeasing ritual involving the river and my menstrual blood to release all unhealthy attachments & anything that was blocking me from my Higher Self. Little did I know, the very thing that was blocking me the most was right beside me
And as if by magic, the super Full Moon got to work almost instantly
Exactly a week after, following a disagreement with my housemate regarding her bringing a prostitute client to our house (for the first time since me living there, she told me (horrific) stories of her past but i never thought she'd do it again), & me telling her I wasn’t okay with it, for many reasons. I stood my ground & expressed my truth on topic, & kindly requested her to take the business outside of the house. Multiple men (men paying £300 for sex with a malignment narcissist may i add) knowing our address, scary for many reasons. Following a day of back-and-forth messages (she said nothing when i initially confronted her in person except shouting at me she "wanted the money" and to get out of her room. Narcissists are cowards and cannot speak their truth face to face), a day of her trying to manipulate me & me standing my ground, she had lost control, she entered my room while i was sleeping at 3am, drunk & high, she began to verbally abuse me & started to trash my room. I could not get her out and she then proceeded to very viciously beat me up. She did some truly terrifying things to me. She was strangling me around the room, dragging me around the room with my hair, shoving fingers down my throat, scraping my throat with her nails while she was strangling me, i was unable to scream at this point & my phone(on call to the police was out of the room on charge), this was the scariest part, i managed to break free and she soon had me on the floor jumping on me and laughing. There was no stopping this creature, her eyes were black, non stop shouting verbal abuse during & in between the physical abuse as she showed such pleasure through the whole thing. At one point, she had me in the corner of the room, heavily hitting my head, and throwing objects at my head, smashed a plant pot over my head, it was at this point, I managed to get out the room & run outside. She instantly locked the door & straight away, as divine timing had it, the police turned up right that second. They kicked the door down, she ran out & proceeded to hit me, the police dragged her off me and she proceeded to assault them & scream verbal abuse as they carried her off.
She was arrested and released on bail - court date in October. I wanted to share in detail so you know just how traumatic the situation was. I managed to process the trauma pretty quickly but i am still to this day experiencing nightmares. I managed to reach a point yesterday, where i was able to forgive. I was able to feel sadness (where as to this point i had not allowed myself to feel anything but anger) 3 weeks on the shock has worn off, i have done lots of processing and LOTS of yoga to physically, mentally & energetically remove the trauma. Yesterday (under the Pisces Full Moon energy) i allowed myself to feel sadness & grief for the loss of what i thought this person was. I was the empath, she the narccisist, which meant we trauma bonded. She took advantage of my light & i thought i could help her. The "descent" all happened so quick. Yesterday, instead of just viewing her as the devil incarnate as i had been, I allowed myself to feel the sadness at the loss of what i thought was a friend, what i thought she was. But honestly, it was always the potential of who she could be which gave me hope. I was able to release the poison (that was never mine to hold). Whether i hold the poison or not, i have no control over the court outcome and whether she gets sent to prison or not. I just have to trust the divine & know that whatever happens is the divine plan & the best outcome for all.
The situation HAD to happen how it did. With none of my housemates in the house to step in. The horror of the situation meant she & her belongings were instantly removed from the house (something that would of NEVER have happened on her own accord). Once we heard of her prostituion in the house none of us wanted her there, but like i said, it would of NEVER happened of her own accord.
I have learnt so many insights and gained so much wisdom and strength from this ordeal. I could honestly write a book on it! (or a very long video!). But this post, around the Full Moon is to show you the power of intention and rituals, and most importantly, the power of our womb & menstrual blood when used with intent. Since this happened, so many things in my life that was blocking me have been removed. My main intention with this Moon & the ritual was to release unhealthy attachments blocking my relationships, and since then, ALL of my relationships have flourished & drastically improved.
I was so reluctant to take this person to the woods for that ritual as she had become so unbearable to be around as her true colours started to show. She had entered the narcissist collapse for the previous month, where I just could not bear to be around her energy, and I really started to see the darker side of her, which she had kept well hidden before, as I had withdrew my energy from her at this point, she had no one’s energy to leech off and her facade started to slip day by day, although I could’ve never predicted what she did. She liked my Instagram story about the Full Moon ritual when i asked if anyone wanted to join... As much as i didn't want her energy there, my body knew I had to have her there for whatever reason. I couldn’t explain it, but i felt it. Needless to say her attitude throughout the whole thing was horrible (this is her on the 2nd clip). & the Full Moon highlighted the beauty that i was so confident & sovereign in myself I was able to ignore her attitude the whole time and enjoy my time with my friend.
So I have learnt many many lessons from this whole situation and I am hoping, and I am praying, this is the end of me allowing in and trying to fix narcissists. My past 2 living situations have been almost carbon copies, each one a lil bit worse than the others. Strong representation that the universe will keep sending you the same pattern until you learnt the lesson. Well I hope & pray that lesson has been learned now. I did not know what a narcisist was before & now I know the warning signs. I am already so much more discerning of who I give my energy to and I am also able to discern when something is a trauma bond, and I know it is not my responsibility to fix anyone.
Excited to gather in the peaks with my friends tomorrow where I will do a cord cutting ritual to remove any further ties to this creature
Whether she gets locked up or not is completely out of my control & not worth spending any time or energy on. I trust that whatever happens is for the best. I am safe & protected always. Even after what she did, physically I took the beating incredibly well considering the things she did. Mentally, other than nightmares (which I hope the cord cutting will remove) I do not live in fear or victim mode because of it. I knew we could alchemise anything into our power but this has truly highlighted that. I also owe it to Yoga for making me so resilient in mind, body & spirit and putting me in space where i was able to be the observer instead of reacting to her poison with further poison.
It’s also worth mentioning the day of the attack I spend every spare minute of the day doing my womb yoga practices, I had extreme anxiety & my body knew what was coming. It was because of this I was able to stay regulated throughout & after. Not once did I want to retaliate in the abuse. I just knew I had to get evidence.
Look, i'm aware there's a (tiny;)) lil bit of poisin left, as i am naming her a "creature" but.. i'm a Pisces Sun on the Pisces Full Moon - allow me a lil bit of pettiness.. Also, my Leo Moon allows me the fire & sass ;)
I am confident i have ended a powerful cycle here as the day following the attack - everywhere i went i was bombarded with angel numbers on the full spectrum 333,444,555,666,777,888,999 you name it! & divinely ended the day with a 999 - completion of cycles
The below article popped into my email the other day, and it deeply resonated with this situation so wanted to share.
Sending you lots of love always & happy Full Moon / Eclipse!!! xxx
How do you shock a narcissist?
1. Rejecting the narcissist.
Picture this: the narcissist believes they're the epitome of charm, thinking everyone's enchanted by them. But when you step back, refusing to play into their illusions, it rattles their world. Suddenly, their insecurities surface, and they're faced with the reality that not everyone orbits around them. This rejection, this denial of their assumed charm, hits them hard.
2. Catching them off guard.
Narcissists thrive on predictability because it gives them a sense of control. They calculate responses, knowing exactly how to manipulate your emotions. But throw them a curveball, act unexpectedly, and their control slips away. They're left exposed, unable to navigate a situation they didn't anticipate. That's when the shock sets in.
3. When you're the one who walks away.
Narcissists hate being discarded. They want to be the ones doing the tossing, not the other way around. If you take the reins and leave, it's a blow to their inflated self-worth. They struggle with the idea that you found their presence insignificant. Cue the hoovering attempts, not because they've changed, but because they're desperate to prove they're still in control.
4. Proving them wrong.
Narcissists often wear self-righteousness and rigidity like badges of honor. They believe they're always right. But when you expose their flaws, present solid arguments that dismantle their surface-level reasoning, they crumble. The shock of being proven wrong, especially by someone they consider beneath them, leaves them grappling with a reality they refuse to accept.
5. Becoming emotionally unresponsive.
Narcissists feed off emotional reactions, positive or negative. Deny them that fuel, become as unresponsive as a gray rock, and you'll witness the confusion and frustration they're accustomed to. Your sudden emotional detachment leaves them powerless and searching for a reaction that never comes.
6. Thriving without them.
Narcissists want you dependent, convinced you're nothing without them. But when you start living your best life, healing from the abuse, and flourishing independently, it's a punch to their control. Your resilience becomes their kryptonite, challenging their belief in their omnipotence.
7. Displaying kindness they lack.
Narcissists want you steeped in darkness, mirroring their own pain. If, despite the abuse, you continue to show kindness and compassion, it rocks their world. Unable to fathom such traits after trauma, they're left questioning their choices and capabilities.